Today I've been thinking. I do that sometimes. It was one of those infernal internal days when your mind won't let you do anything else but take a self examination. I've been through some pretty hefty things of late--difficult things, the kind that make it hard to stay on your feet. The kind that make your knees buckle and your heart weak. I've shed more tears in the last few weeks than I can ever remember shedding before. I've been telling myself that if it's true that pain is the teacher (Kahlil Gibran) then I must be getting very smart.
My pain came at the hands of others who did not know me at all and yet acted on mistaken beliefs. In doing so they caused someone very precious and irreplaceable to be taken from my life. Yet my challenge is not only to forgive--but to learn from this and to find gratitude for the lessons that have come.
It may not seem possible but I am truly grateful for what I have been through. This incident has made me have such a strong desire to be a good person--to always be honest and above all honorable. It has made me want to see the good in others and to always choose to do what is right. It really would be a better world if we, as individuals, decided to live better lives--and then just simply followed through on that decision.
What I found in my pain was a desire to never cause another human being that kind of suffering. I am grateful for the chance to see something like that is my choice and that it is completely within my control. I am the one who decides what my actions are in this life and how they affect others. I just need to realize that I can go about my life carelessly and without much thought and things will just happen--or I can give careful thought and consideration to the way I live my life and how I treat my fellow man. I am going to choose the latter.
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