Friday, March 7, 2014


When you've opened it wide and your feet are inside! That is if you ever realize that's what you did. Lol! So, we are leisurely making our way back from California and this morning after we checked out of our hotel we decided that since we slept through breakfast we would stop for donuts. We picked a place that sounded like a winner--"Grand Slam Donuts" and it had several positive reviews and only one negative one which was about the service. So, we drove there and a pleasant looking Asian woman near our age began serving us. 

As we were choosing our donuts this woman asked Rob if Carly and Jono were our grandchildren? He said "No, they belong to us." I am not exaggerating one bit when I tell you that her mouth literally dropped open and hung there when he said that. She looked not only astonished but confused so I joined in and said, "No, they are ours." She still didn't close her mouth but her eyes joined her mouth in a way that seemed to add even more confusion to the astonishment. I was afraid she was going to fall over backwards if I didn't do something quickly and yet I didn't feel like alerting everyone in the place to our situation (let alone making it a big deal for my sweet kids) so I mouthed the word "ADOPTION" to her. FINALLY--her brain caught up with her mouth and allowed it to close. Her face showed some recognition of the facts on the ground matching the explanation she'd been given and an ability to move on with her day. Yay! We would indeed get our donuts without having to do a DNA test or provide legal documents. Holy cow!

But wait! She wasn't through. Before we got our donuts she wanted to know why. Why did we have these children and not their birth mothers. Did we keep in touch with them and then, on top of all that, she had some advice for me about whether we should or shouldn't keep in touch with them. I won't bore you with all those details. But seriously!!

No, I don't know her name. Yes--both of her feet are still in her mouth. Yes, I was much too polite and gave her much too much information. It's hard for me to respond rudely like some other adoptive mother's I know do when people are just being stupidly curious or as they see it invasive--though, as my kids get older, it's getting harder for me not to as well. It's a fine line.

You see, these children ARE mine. I forget sometimes what you see; what others see. I forget what makes you curious. I only know what my heart sees and that is a deep, profound love for my children. My Father in Heaven sent these children to me. They belong to me and while I have stopped being hurt (mostly) by stupid, thoughtless, insensitive questions about their relationship to me, their color versus mine, and why I have them and not their biological mother--that journey for them is just beginning. Trust me - these may be informational questions to you but they can be deeply private, painful questions for both the adoptive parent and child.

I know I am preaching to the choir right now--but CHOIR--you know other people out there--pass this information on. Tell people to stop being so insensitive. It's OK to be curious but you don't have to satisfy your curiosity. NO YOU DON'T!!! Curiosity killed the cat and it can hurt people you don't mean to hurt--especially little ones! I'm just saying. If someone wants to share their story with you, they will. Otherwise, it isn't your business.

That said, I am a fairly open book. Most people I know and love know our story. I am one who generally shares the stories of my blessings fairly openly--but I like to choose the time, place and people I share with--especially so I know how it will effect my little ones. I never want to do or say anything that will have a negative impact on them--and I don't want anyone else to do it--even in an unthinking moment. Thanks for hearing me out. I just needed to vent. Love you all. :)

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