SILENT ACHES

Today would have been my husband's thirty-second wedding anniversary to his first wife, Lisa. Lisa passed away about ten years ago from complications of Multiple Sclerosis. When Rob and I were first married, days like this were hard for me. I wasn't yet secure in my place with him or with my girls. I feel very differently now, though. When special remembrance days come I am no longer caught up in my own emotions and insecurities. Instead, when Lisa's birthday or the anniversary of her passing, or hers and Rob's wedding anniversary arrives my heart and mind turn to the silent aches my husband and girls are probably going through. I find the only thing I want is to make sure they are doing alright. I'm so grateful for my changed heart.

I know how deeply and sometimes silently I've mourned for those I've loved and lost ~ even when I've taken the time to talk often about them with loved ones. I know sometimes you still need someone to remember, to listen and to care.

If I've learned one thing in life I think it's that time doesn't really heal all wounds. I think maybe time does make things a little easier to deal with, but I don't know that we are ever really done grieving when we have truly loved and lost one to death. I don't know that anything prepares one for the loss of a spouse or a parent. My girls will grieve for their mother at some level their whole life. They will always miss her. My husband will always grieve and miss her, too. How could he not after all those years of marriage? You see, I didn't marry a man who was unhappily married. I married a man who lost his wife after many happy years of marriage. I'm grateful my heart and mind have come to understand and accept so much.

I feel so very blessed to even in some small way be able to mother the beautiful daughters Lisa gave birth to, loved and nurtured in her life. They are my daughters also and each is talented in her own way and are loving, caring and amazing young women.

I am wonderfully blessed to be married to their father. He is one of the most loving, caring, sensitive men I have ever known. He is also a terrific father who takes really good care of our family.

I guess what I want to say as I finish this post is that it's important to reach out to those who are mourning, to those who are silently aching. Sometimes the trauma passes and we think it is over and move on but the pain for those it happened to still lingers. Just because we can't see the wound doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. If you are in doubt, reach out.

The sting of death becomes bearable only when we truly know we will see and be with our loved ones again. I am grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ who makes this possible and a Heavenly Father who loves us enough to send His Only Begotten Son to redeem us.

May God Bless You.