SILENT ACHES

Today would have been my husband's thirty-second wedding anniversary to his first wife, Lisa. Lisa passed away about ten years ago from complications of Multiple Sclerosis. When Rob and I were first married, days like this were hard for me. I wasn't yet secure in my place with him or with my girls. I feel very differently now, though. When special remembrance days come I am no longer caught up in my own emotions and insecurities. Instead, when Lisa's birthday or the anniversary of her passing, or hers and Rob's wedding anniversary arrives my heart and mind turn to the silent aches my husband and girls are probably going through. I find the only thing I want is to make sure they are doing alright. I'm so grateful for my changed heart.

I know how deeply and sometimes silently I've mourned for those I've loved and lost ~ even when I've taken the time to talk often about them with loved ones. I know sometimes you still need someone to remember, to listen and to care.

If I've learned one thing in life I think it's that time doesn't really heal all wounds. I think maybe time does make things a little easier to deal with, but I don't know that we are ever really done grieving when we have truly loved and lost one to death. I don't know that anything prepares one for the loss of a spouse or a parent. My girls will grieve for their mother at some level their whole life. They will always miss her. My husband will always grieve and miss her, too. How could he not after all those years of marriage? You see, I didn't marry a man who was unhappily married. I married a man who lost his wife after many happy years of marriage. I'm grateful my heart and mind have come to understand and accept so much.

I feel so very blessed to even in some small way be able to mother the beautiful daughters Lisa gave birth to, loved and nurtured in her life. They are my daughters also and each is talented in her own way and are loving, caring and amazing young women.

I am wonderfully blessed to be married to their father. He is one of the most loving, caring, sensitive men I have ever known. He is also a terrific father who takes really good care of our family.

I guess what I want to say as I finish this post is that it's important to reach out to those who are mourning, to those who are silently aching. Sometimes the trauma passes and we think it is over and move on but the pain for those it happened to still lingers. Just because we can't see the wound doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. If you are in doubt, reach out.

The sting of death becomes bearable only when we truly know we will see and be with our loved ones again. I am grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ who makes this possible and a Heavenly Father who loves us enough to send His Only Begotten Son to redeem us.

May God Bless You.

NEW FRIENDS

Grandma and Grandpa got out today to get Grandpa a haircut. He has a favorite barber he goes to and I think Grandpa was glad to just get out of the house for a bit. He even stayed upstairs for awhile this evening.

The kids both had school today and it was a pretty day out but a cold one. Jono kept wanting to play outside after school but I didn't let him because I didn't want him to get sick. Yesterday we had snow flurries so I guess it's no surprise that it's still so chilly out. I managed to keep him interested in a new learning computer game and then some friends came over to play so at least it wasn't an all day fight.

Then later he and Carly had gymnastics. A really cool thing happened. Two little black girls about Carly's age had signed up and were in Carly's class. I saw Carly's face light up when she walked in and saw them. Afterward when I picked her up she came running up to me and told me she'd made a new friend and I needed to get her phone number so they could have a play date. It turned out one of the girls was her same age and the other was a couple years older. So, when their mom came I got their number and she's really excited to play with them. I just loved seeing her face light up! So fun!

I'M SO EXCITED AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT! LOL!

Tomorrow is our State Republican Convention and I am a delegate. This is a new experience for me and I am excited for it. I am doubly excited now because my daughter Julie will also be joining me as a delegate. She was elected to be a county delegate and has already performed her service there. However, one of the state delegates for her area had a family tragedy and cannot serve so they called upon Julie since they knew she ran to be a state delegate! So, I am excited we get to do something we both love --being involved in political work (not politics) and serving our communities together!
Look out world, here we come!

MY SWEET LITTLE GUY'S MEMORIES

Today I was out running errands with the kids and we happened to drive by the cemetery where our son Carson is buried. (Carson did not make it full term. He was still born but we count him as ours. We believe he is part of our family and we will have him in the next life.)

As we drove past the cemetery, I mentioned to the kids that he was buried there and they asked if we could stop and go to his grave. So, after we finished our errands we dropped by the house and cut some fresh tulips to put on his grave and Lisa's (Rob's first wife) grave. This is the first time I'd taken the kids to his grave. They've always had lots of questions about him but they'd never been there before. I guess that's because we don't focus so much on the grave. We know he isn't in there. We believe he is with his Heavenly Father.

Anyway, back to my story. We got to the graves and the kids each put the flowers on the graves. Then we stayed and just kind of took in the moment. I answered their questions. They both told me they missed Carson. Then without any warning, Jonathon started to cry. I mean really cry. He started bawling his eyes out. I asked him what was wrong and all he would say was that he missed Carson. He had tears streaming down his face and his nose was running. I picked him up and tried to comfort him but he wouldn't stop crying. I told I believed everything happened the way it was supposed to happen and that Heavenly Father needed to keep Carson with him. I told him if he hadn't decided to keep Carson I might not have him or Carly because I would have had a baby when they were born and the timing wouldn't have been right. Even that did not stop his mournful cries. I got them back in the van and drove home and he cried loudly the whole way home still saying out-loud that he missed Carson. I asked him if he had known Carson before he came here and he said, "Yes."

My little guy for all of his energy and at times orneriness can be so close to the spirit. He has done this same thing in missing his Grandpa D. -- and he was only 2 months old when he died. Now he has seen pictures of his Grandpa holding him but there is no way he could have direct memories of him.  Yet, he talks about him and cries for him with genuine love. Sometimes I wish I could peel back the corners of his little mind to see just what he really knows and remembers!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH AND ASHLEY!

We had my sisters and their families up this weekend to celebrate Easter and some family birthdays. It was great to get everyone together. Sarah's birthday is today (Tuesday). My niece Ashley, Susan's daughter is celebrating her 19th on Wednesday and Sarah's son, Ian will be 19 on May 8th. Everyone is growing up so fast!

Sarah took a bunch of pictures but I don't have them yet. We (three girls) took a few with mom and dad but I'm waiting for her to send those so I can put them on the blog.

Grandma went to the doctor today for a sinus infection and they set her up with the meds she needs to get over it. Hopefully, she can do that quickly.

We got some really wild, cold winds in here today that are supposed to chase away our warm weather for awhile. Hopefully, not too long, though.

Rob and I went and gave blood today . . . something I haven't done in probably twenty years or so. I used to give all the time until I started getting migraines and went on medicine for them. Then they told me I couldn't anymore. I guess they have refined the process enough to let you give blood on all kinds of meds. Anyway, I did good except I've felt pretty weak all evening. Hopefully, that will pass by tomorrow. So--anyway--the good news is: You can probably give blood if your only excuse was you thought you couldn't because you were taking some medication. Apparently even diabetics can give blood. So, no excuses! I only mentioned diabetics because the person drawing my blood was a diabetic and pointed it out to me--she gives (and takes--lol) all the time!

Well, that's my soapbox for the night! Have a great one!

BECAUSE OF HIM

Because this is so beautiful and eternally true, I want to share this video on the meaning of Easter  with you. I hope you have a wonderful Easter with your loved ones! Enjoy!
http://easter.mormon.org/

OH, THE THINGS A 6 YEAR OLD KNOWS!

Grandma came up this morning and told me about a conversation Carly had with her. It went like this.

Carly: Grandma, I know how you get babies in Mommy's tummies!
Grandma: Oh really? How?
Carly: You draw a bump!

Oh my goodness! Yah--I don't think I was breathing while I waited for the answer. I was thinking "My goodness, who has she been talking to." Then, when I heard the answer I laughed out loud. What a sweet, simple, innocent answer. I love my little girl so much. If only we could all stay this innocent forever--the world would sure be a sweeter place. :)

NO MORE SORE!

Grandpa has been going to a wound clinic to have a bedsore that had become kind of chronic treated and they treated him with some kind of new medication and all of the sudden he's cured! He's had in home health coming in for quite some time to help treat it and then someone suggested seeing this wound clinic doctor. I think he went twice and on the second visit-he graduated! That's almost unheard of! These sores are really hard to heal! I guess--I should say unless you specialize in them because this wound doctor/clinic seems to really know their stuff! So we are pretty happy campers around here! Yay for us! Hope you got some great news this week too!

WHATEVER YOU CALL ME, JUST DON'T CALL ME LATE FOR DINNER!

Grandma had a dentist appointment today. She found a new dentist not far from the house and ended up liking him really well. I've been needing to find a new one for the kids, too so I'm hoping to get them in to see him soon.

Today was a busy day. I watched one of Carly's school friends for her mom this morning and then took both of her and Carly to school. By that time it was time for Jonathon and his friend Ellie to be dropped off from pre-school. I had Ellie for about 3 hours but she and Jono play pretty well together. When she left and we picked Carly up from school it was time to head to gymnastics!

After gymnastics I quickly fed them dinner and then Rob and I had to head out to a meet the candidates night. I am one of the state delegates and am in the process of meeting and getting to know the candidates and issues. It wasn't a really long evening and I did meet some nice people and get some good information.

Sunday we celebrated our daughter Megan's 27th birthday. We just made a nice dinner, had some pie (her request) and opened gifts. I can't believe she's 27. Time has just really flown by. My girls have all grown up so fast! That would include one Kindergartner who sounds and acts as if she's going on 30. How does that happen?!

I think maybe our spring has finally sprung. It was such a nice day today. No jackets, no sweaters--just so nice outside--even a bit on the warm side. Love, love, love this time of year! Happy Spring Weather to all of you! I hope you are getting a little of this where you are. It's HEAVEN!

Oh--one last thing. My baby boy--he's four now--almost five, well, he will be five at the end of August. Anyway, he told me on my way back after dropping Carly at school today that I needed to stop calling him "Jono." I asked him why since that's all we ever call him--(well at least 90 % of the time.) He said, "You need to call me Jon-a-thon (he emphasized each syllable really slowly) because that's my real name not Jono and I'm a big boy now. So, call me Jon-a-thon, O.K.?"

You know, I expected him to ask something like this, maybe even demand something like this . . . when he was 14, 16 or 18 . . . but not at 4! I mean, REALLY? What is going on and what's happened to my little Jono. I'm not quite sure I'm ready for Jonathon! Then again, if Jonathon is more serious and cerebral - maybe it could turn out to be in my favor. I think I need to analyze this again. Actually, I probably need to over analyze it. I will have to get back to you on this for sure--and it may take awhile. Lol!

WHAT WE'VE BEEN UP TO . . .

Yay! We finally got Rob back home tonight. He has been up in Idaho for a few days. He had a stubborn call up there, a machine that wouldn't fix. He thought he'd only be a day and ended up being there three. We miss him when he is gone!

Mom and I got out today and did some exploring at a new shopping center near here. We had some fun and found some neat new stores. Some of the fun was managing to keep Jono with us. He doesn't like to hold our hand or stay right with us so it's a bit of an effort. But then, being four isn't the easiest thing in the world, I guess. Lol.

We were a couple minutes late getting back to pick Carly up from school so Grandma got out to go retrieve her from the school. We figured she would be nicer to Grandma than to me-- and we were right. Grandma didn't get the tongue lashing I would have gotten for being a few minutes late, though she still wasn't happy we weren't on time. We did make up for it by getting her and Jono an ice cream on the way home. That made it all better!

In the last couple of days, it has rained, snowed, hailed and been warm and sunny -- not on separate days but all happening on each of the days. Pretty funny. If you just stand around and wait ten or fifteen minutes the season, er, weather will change. At least that's what's been going on around here. You can't decide what to wear outside and you can't even decide what temperature to set the thermometer at! No word when weather sanity will return. Strange Happenings!

SNOW? NO!

I'd have thought it was an April Fools joke if I hadn't seen it fall from the sky myself! But sure enough another day of wet, icky snow! I'm going to stop predicting when it will be warm again and just stick to things I know--which are relatively few. And I can't think of any right now--so that could be a problem!

The kids were a little bit sick this morning. I ended up being up late with them last night and having to give them cough medicine so they slept a little late today. That was nice but they neither one felt really great all day today and so I am hoping they are better tomorrow. Carly has been on Spring Break since last Thursday but goes back tomorrow. So, it's been a nice "winter-like" Spring Break! Lol! I did take them to the park one day but even that day it got cold before we left the park.

I found a few pictures I took of the kids when we were in CA I thought I'd post tonight. I loved this rug in our hotel so I made them pose on it a few times. I just thought it was really cool. I wouldn't want it in my home or anything but I thought it was pretty funky for a photo backdrop! It made the pictures kind of fun.



Psychadelic Carly



Psychadelic Jono



My Psychadelic kiddos