CELEBRATING BLACK HISTORY MONTH WITH JESSE OWENS

I'm a little late with this but technically I am making it just under the wire. February is Black History Month and one of my favorite American Olympians is Jesse Owens. His story is a triumph of, not only American Spirit, but of the human spirit and came at a time when I believe the Lord used Jesse Owens and some of his teammates to teach an important lesson to a despicable despot as the rest of the world watched.

A big deal was made of the fact that Hitler left the stadium when Jesse won and didn't shake his hand. However, when Jesse returned home to the U.S. he received some accolades but was not invited to the Whitehouse to shake the President's hand either, as the white athletes were. In 1936 we still had quite a way to go - we still do. Hopefully, one day in the not too distant future we will get there.

Here is Jesse's story:

BE KIND, BE GENEROUS, BE LOVING, BE GOOD

My mom liked a YouTube video on Facebook today and I went to look at it and by the time I finished watching it I had tears in my eyes. I guess I've heard the story too many times about my Dad being the basketball team manager during his junior high years and just working his heart out and wishing for his chance to play because things like this cut really deep with me. I love to see an underdog come out strong. I love to see someone get their chance and win. I am so grateful for the coach who gave my Dad his chance to play and I love the coach who gave this boy his shot. And you'll love this video--there's another person in this video you will love just as much, if not more than the coach. It's worth your time to watch.

If I've learned anything from my parents, it is to be generous with those who don't appear to have as much going for them--because it is the right thing to do, and sometimes, they will surprise you with their talents. Right, Dad?!

HAVE A GOOD TRIP, SEE YOU NEXT FALL . . .

 We've had a warm/cold thing going on here the past few days. It warms up just enough to melt the snow a bit then gets cold enough to freeze what's melted into ice and make it dangerous to walk around. You guessed it. We've been falling for it . . . the ice that is. Mom fell this morning on our sidewalk on her way back in from her doctor appointment--she was just having some labs done. (Don't you think if you were going to fall it would be a whole lot better to do it on the way to the doctor appointment, instead of on the way back? It's kind of seems like poor timing to do it after you get back. Just sayin'. Lol!)

The only reason I dare be cutesy about it is that she is okay. She fell on her hip/side and came down on her elbow and hit her head really lightly. It scared me really bad when she came in and told me. I wanted to take her back to the doctor but she promised me that the thing she hit the hardest was her elbow and it wasn't showing a bruise yet. I am keeping my eye on her though!

We keep a bucket of salt out by the sidewalk and porch and have really tried to keep the driveway and all of that clear but this weather has been so weird it caught us off guard. We haven't had any snow the last few days but there is so much (probably a foot or so) on the roof that is melting off and causing problems. Mom put salt down on the ice patch after she got up and when Rob came home he did again-- and it had all melted off by the time Carly and I went shopping later. When we came home I noticed it was ice again. I tried to manuever around it and fell myself in the very same spot! It is just nasty! I hurt my hand a little and my pride a lot. Carly just skated by me, though. She's so light she was able to slide on it without falling. Anyway, I think we will all be going in and out of the garage for awhile as it seems a whole lot safer.

Well, I will leave you with a chuckle from my day. Jonathon has become one huge chatterbox! His lips are in constant motion and as cute as he is there are definite moments where it works the nerves. Tonight at dinner Rob and I were trying to have a conversation and he kept interrupting. Rob looked over to ask him once more to be quiet and apparently noticed Jono was chewing and chattering at the same time. I was looking down but the next thing I heard was "Jonathon, don't talk with your mouth full, and please keep your mouth full!" Hahahaha! Have a nice evening everyone!

TOO MUCH EXCITEMENT FOR ONE NIGHT

Rob had to work late tonight and just before he got off my Mom came upstairs and told me she'd heard about a high speed chase on the freeway in SLC. She said it was over now but there had been one. It really surprised me because the closest we ever get to a high speed chase around here is watching Shepherd Smith drool over them when they happen during his show on Fox News.

Rob texted me about twenty minutes later and said he was on his way and I didn't think any more about it until about ten minutes after that when he called back to say he would be quite awhile because the freeway between SLC and here had been shutdown and it would be for the next 8-10 hours due to the clean-up and investigation from the high speed chase. He said traffic was backed up for miles and everyone else was taking the back roads. Luckily, his brother who is a fireman had thought to call and warn him to stay off the freeway. It didn't occur to me to say anything because I heard the chase was over.

Apparently this man was suspected of being a bank robber and the police approached him at his house about twenty minutes south of SLC to talk with him about their suspicions. Before they could talk to him he jumped in his truck and took off. He lead them through SLC and towards our town which is a good hour away from where they started. The police put spike strips down and blew out his tires but he drove on the rims for about twenty or thirty miles with sparks flying until the police got a large armored vehicle to do a pit maneuver on his truck and force him off the road. When they did that he produced a gun and ended up being shot dead.

Wow, nothing like this ever happens around here--and the finale happened right near our exit. It kind of makes me want to break out into singing that song from Cops show . . .  "Bad boys ~ What ya gonna do ~ What ya gonna do when they come for you ~ Bad boys~ Bad boys~!" I lead a terribly boring life. Can you tell?

OUT WITH THE OLD . . .

As you can see I've been busy remodeling the place. I hope you like it. I am not quite finished but Hubby is threatening to go to sleep without me so I am closing up shop for the night. I still have some things to add and rearrange but they will have to wait until tomorrow.

The kids have both been catching colds so I had planned to stay home from church with them today but when Rob woke up he didn't feel well either so we all ended up at home for the day. We got a lot of snow yesterday but just a dusting overnight and it had all started to melt some this afternoon.

Tonight for dinner I made Mahoney's Coney's - that's right, the ones from the old Root Beer stand back home. They weren't perfect but they were pretty darn close. There is one brand ingredient that isn't made anymore so I used a different brand and it made them a little sweet so Mom and I doctored them a little until they were just right! I was pretty impressed with myself for doing as well as I did and Rob and the kids even liked them. Rob had never had anything like them before so I wasn't sure what he would think. He is used to plain old chili dogs.

Well, that's all for tonight. If you have any suggestions for my new format, let me know.

IS IT OKAY TO ASK SOMEONE IF THEIR CHILD IS ADOPTED?

Have you ever wondered if it’s okay to ask if someone’s child/children are adopted? I don’t know that I ever thought about it before I adopted my children but I get asked all the time. It probably isn’t something you normally even notice unless a child looks dramatically different from his or her parents. But if you do notice, and you’re curious, is it okay to ask?

I have found the answer varies from parent to parent and the range is wide on how people feel and tend to respond. Also, how they tend to respond isn’t always how they wish they would or could respond. I belong to several adoptions groups and that question has come up among us a few times.  I have been surprised at how hostile a few of the parents have felt when they mentioned being asked in public if their child was adopted.  They generally have vented to our group and asked for suggestions for some short; snarky answers they could give to any nosy busy bodies they feel have no business asking for personal information like that. The mothers almost always have an anecdote to add about the questioner wanting to touch their child or their child’s hair without asking which has obviously bothered them.  While I can understand some upset, I have never understood a need to be hostile to a questioner

For the most part, the parents I’ve discussed this with are fairly open to questions depending on how and when they are asked. My experience is mostly with those who have adopted transracially. We are, of course, the obvious ones. You notice us easily in public places with our children and we, apparently, pique a lot of curiosity. The one thing we all tend to agree on is if you are going to ask us if our child is adopted, please don’t do it in front of our child. It is one thing when they are infants and don’t know or understand what you are talking about. It is another thing completely when they are toddlers and older. 

My kids are 3 and 5 and because we have talked about their adoptions with them they already know what the word “adoption” means. They don’t understand it on a grand scale but know enough to know they came to us a little differently than most babies come to their families. We talk about their adoption with them as a time of great joy and have shared our belief that Heavenly Father helped bring them into our home and into our lives. 

I don’t ever want them to feel they are not a natural part of my family. Think about it this way: Does anyone ever walk up to you in a store and ask you if you had your baby in a hospital and if so, which one? Do they?  Of course not! If they did, my kids might think it was a normal thing to have strangers walk up in public and ask questions about where their lives began and why—but that doesn’t happen to all parents—just the parents of the “DIFFERENT” kids. Trust me, my kids are going to have enough challenges and reasons in their lives to feel different ~ they don’t need an additional one.  I care deeply about how they feel.  Don’t get me wrong, I won’t want to hurt your feelings--but their feelings have to come before your feelings, so if you put me on the spot in front of them, I won’t be mean but I will brush off your question.

That said; let me tell you how much I LOVE ADOPTION! Adoption gave me my family. ALL of my kids, with the exception of Carson, whom I lost in utero, came to me through adoption. I am thrilled to answer questions about adoption. But please, if I am with my children pull me off to the side and ask me. You can also tell me you have some questions about adoption and ask if you can call me later or get my email and send me some questions—just don’t embarrass my children or make them feel like they are somehow not a part of me. Trust me; my children are just that--MY CHILDREN. They were born in my heart long before they were born on this earth. They are a part of me and a part of my family and always will be. You will never hear me refer to them as my adopted children. In my mind and heart, getting them here was just a formality and how it happened in the end doesn’t matter at all. My body didn’t work right so God made other plans to get MY CHILDREN TO ME. They were always meant to be mine. It was just a matter of logistics, never a matter of where they belonged.

Let me suggest a way to ask about adoption without actually asking the “Are they adopted?” questions. Simply say something like, “Oh my goodness, they are adorable.  Are they yours?”  Or say, “My you have a beautiful family.” If you do this and the person is open and able to talk with you about their adoption story, they will. I am so proud of my little ones that when they were little and anyone would give me half a chance I would gush over them. I was also anxious to help anyone interested in adopting with more information. Now that they are older I am more cautious because I don’t want their adoptions to be constantly thrown in their face. I want them to just be and feel a normal part of our family—because they are.

I have never forgotten something I heard Marie Osmond say about her children. Marie adopted several of her kids and someone interviewing her one day asked her which ones were adopted and which ones were her biological children. Her answer was “I can’t remember.” I loved that! That is exactly how I feel. It doesn’t matter how they got there. They are all her children. That is exactly how I feel about all my children.

I mentioned this a little bit earlier but one thing I never realized was how much white people really want to touch African American hair. Seriously, nearly everyone who stops me does want to touch my little girl’s or boy’s hair. It never bothered me at all when they were babies. It wasn’t like someone would just come up and touch their hair. It was always someone who stopped and asked about them and was curious. It always happened when we were already in conversation. It has just struck me funny recently because I don’t think I ever had that urge or curiosity. I do have to be more protective now that my kids are older, though. I can’t just say “Yes, you can touch their hair.” My kids are little people and they have feelings and emotions. Sometimes I will ask them if they mind and sometimes I just have to say it’s probably not a good time.

I kind of get surprised sometimes at how curious people are—and like I said, when they were younger, I was a lot more open. Now that they are older, I don’t give as much information to random people who ask questions. Here are the general questions I get:

Are they yours?

Where are they from?

Are they brother and sister?

Why did their mom give them up?  

How much did they cost?

How long did it take?

Couldn’t you have your own?

I started with the “Are they yours?” but actually, my husband and I were a little bit older when we adopted. So, sometimes the question is “Are these your Grandchildren?” (Actually, there are many couples that are older when they adopt. This often happens because couples go through the whole fertility issue and try to resolve it before they turn to adoption—and that can take years.) 

Anyway, back to the “Are these your grandchildren?” questions. Let me tell you, if you want to put a woman in a bad mood, begin with that question. I mean, how stupid can you get? Let me give you a better idea if you absolutely must and need to at least try to ask. Walk up to me and say “And who are these gorgeous kids?”  I might still know you didn’t think I was their mother but I won’t feel like running you over in the parking lot with my SUV. (Kidding. I don’t have an SUV—but my mini-van would probably do the trick. ;)) And maybe, just maybe if I am in good humor and up to it—I will slide off to the side a bit and tell you a little bit about them.

As far as the rest of the questions, when I look at them now answering them would provide a ton of information to a total stranger, and wouldn’t feel right, especially when I consider I haven’t yet given that much information to my children about their birth. So, especially if the person you are thinking of asking these types of questions of is a stranger to you; I think you would be wise to weigh your need to know versus your curiosity—and then decide, is it really your business? 

As I said before, for me, it really is a completely different thing if I am helping someone who wants to adopt. I am more than willing to tell them everything I can think of about adoption. But, I am not sure anymore that strangers need to know where my babies were born, if they are blood siblings (which is the real question they are asking) because OF COURSE, they are brother and sister. I am their mommy! And strangers, I’m pretty sure you also don’t need to know things about my children’s birth mom I haven’t yet shared with them yet, either. So really, why go there?

As to questions like how much did it cost? How long did it take? – Those are incidentals in the adoption process. Again, I would truly love to give you the whole picture if you are interested in adoption. Let’s do lunch. Call me, email me, come visit and we’ll chat.

“Couldn’t have your own babies? That’s so sad.” Seriously? My uterus is your business how? Okay, here’s my real answer. These are my own babies. These are the children God gave me. This is my life, not a dress rehearsal. Again, I don’t care how they got here. They are mine.

I could go on and on but I think I will end this post with one last story. One day Rob, Carly and I were in Sam’s Club. I think we just had Carly at the time and she was still pretty little. Anyway, we were in the cafeteria area and got some refreshments and sat down to eat. Rob then remembered something he needed to go look for so he went back into the club area while Carly and I waited in the cafeteria.  As I was refilling our drinks, the janitor, who was a woman came up and started a conversation with me-using the wrong question! “Is this your grandbaby?” (Don’t worry, I let her live.) She followed that happy question with several other stunners, one of which was, “Is your husband black?” I told her no, he was the white male who had been sitting with us a few minutes ago. Before I could explain that Carly was adopted, she said something back to me like, “Well, I thought that was probably your husband but I wasn’t sure because of the baby being black.” I let her off the hook and told her we adopted Carly. To which she said, “Oh good, cuz I was about to ask you if you had fooled around on your husband or something.” Hahahahahahaha! Can you believe that? Some people’s children - - and yes, I am referring to the grown up asking the questions here. Lol! I guess it takes all kinds.

As I end this, I really do want to say that to friends and family I have no problem at all being open and answering questions about my children’s adoptions as long as they are not around. I am still very open with people I am close to. It is only people who are complete strangers without a need to know I have started to be resistant with. So, friends, family feel free to ask if you have questions. (The rest of you—be frightened, be very frightened. Lol)

So, is it okay to ask if someone’s child/children are adopted? In the right situation, usually you can ask limited questions. The right circumstance is—NEVER IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN (EXCEPTING INFANTS). And your safest way is to compliment the family or the child and see if the parents open the matter for discussion. If you are braver, go for it and ask a direct question. Just know that once in a while, you will hit a landmine!

Please feel free to make comments on this post. I would love to hear your thoughts on this or anything else I write. Thanks, Nancy

OUR FRIDAY

Well, we got about two inches of that pretty, white, powdery stuff last night. It really wasn't too bad, though. It was the heavy stuff but it began melting by late morning and what didn't melt we could push off with the snow shovel fairly easily. We still supposedly have 3-6 inches coming sometime before Sunday mid-day. I'm going to stop complaining though. It really hasn't been that bad and we do need the moisture.

We had an interesting day today. Late afternoon on Thursday I got word that there was a big photo-shoot in SLC that needed some African American children. So, I checked into it and they let me know they liked the pictures I sent but had enough kids by the time I sent them. But at 8:20 this morning we got a call that they had some cancellations and could we please bring our kids. So, we got the kids ready and got them there for the shoot. They had fun.

I've let the kids do a few things like this. They enjoy it and usually get to meet other kids and play a little bit. Today they met about ten other kids their age that looked kinda-sorta like them. It only took about an hour and a half and afterwards we went to lunch. They loved that! Anytime we can go to a restaurant they are happy campers. Lol!

Grandma and Grandpa both got out today, too, even with the snow. I am always glad when Dad can get out of the house even if it's just for a short errand or to ride along with Mom somewhere.

Well, I better end for now. Rob is getting up early to play basketball in the morning and I don't want to keep him up too late. TaTa for now. ;)

OH NO ~ SNOW!

Good Golly! Just when I thought Spring was about to peek around the corner I woke up to more snow this morning! And, we have been under threat of it all day long. In fact, it dared to snow lightly on me when I was out running errands today. I guess it didn't understand how crabby I've gotten about the little white stuff! Which, I have to say, is unlike me. I do usually enjoy it but after having to huck about three tons of it by myself in 72 hours one week I guess I got enough cuz I am fed up to ~ well, you get the picture! Lol! I am ready for TULIPS! Oh and I planted a bunch of them this year!

I LOVE TULIPS! I used to be a rose girl but now I am a Tulip chick! I think they are the best! I bought lots of springy colors and Carly and I went out and planted them a few weeks before it turned cold. Now we are counting the days until they hatch! I just can't wait until they peek their little heads through the bluck of winter and brighten up our world!

Well, it's been a cold and dreary day but it's brighter now that I've thought about my pretty tulips preparing themselves to blossom in the spring. Hope you have a colorful day tomorrow. ;)

OH YAH!

I got mad at Jonathon the other night, I think he was bugging Carly, anyway, he was none too happy with me for getting upset with him. So, he cocked his head, looked at me and yelled "I'm leaving--and Jesus will help me dwive--really fast!" Hahaha! It was all I could do not to laugh outloud!

I guess I hurt his little feelers by getting upset with him but a hug made it all better so he decided to stay at home with us! Wow, that was a close call. Lol!

THE POWER OF COLOR

I got the most thoughtful gift in the mail the other day. I opened it to find a package of multicultural crayons. I had never heard of such a thing before, but it is a package of eight Crayola Crayons that look almost identical to the picture I posted last week with the crayons that all said "flesh" for color on them. But the ones I received have all the colors/shades of people's skin throughout the world--or at least as close as possible.

In our crayon box, as children, there was a peachy-yellowish color labeled crayon labeled "flesh" - and I realize now that no one took into consideration that, that it only represented one race and at that, not very well. I haven't looked lately, but hopefully, that color of crayon is no longer labeled "flesh". Hopefully it is just some sort of peachy yellow.

My friend Joyce who sent me the crayons is a beautiful artist and loves color. She loves it so much she collects crayons and I know these unusual ones have been an important part of her collection. However, she sensed a need and sent them my direction. It seems something small but it is such a perfect tool for teaching children who are asking about the differences between the color of their skin and other's. How exactly to talk to them, teach them and answer their questions as they come up has been on my mind and heart and a matter of prayer. As I read Joyce's letter and looked at the Crayon's I knew a prayer had been answered. The next time one of my little one's has a question about skin color it will be much easier to answer their because I will be able to show them the answer. We will be able to draw it out, to color it together. It will be vivid and they will not only be able to hear the answer but see it and remember it.

Thank you Joyce for sharing your beautiful colors with us at such and important developmental stage. I believe it will make a huge difference in the way we learn together about how beautiful our colors are and how well they go together. We love you ~ thank you again for being so unselfish. 

BACK TO NORMAL

After all the partying we are back to our normal routine. Jono started coughing a bit yesterday and a little bit more today so we are on alert. We have him bundled up like a winter commercial for cough syrup - and that's just to go to bed for the night. He is less than thrilled but we are taking no chances on his health.

It has felt like it's been a little warmer here lately even though the temperature dial right now is reading 33 degrees. I think it's the fact that the sun has been out more than usual. I've even run a few errands without a coat--although, by the time I was done I was wishing I'd worn one.

Grandma and Grandpa got out today and did some shopping and ran some errands. Grandpa came back pretty worn out but I think it did him good to get out of the house.

I think I have a little bit of the cold Jono has so I will stop for now since I'm not feeling really great. I will try to write more tomorrow. Night all. 

THE PARTIES ARE OVER, THE SPOILING'S ALL DONE!

Grandma, Carly, and Daddy as Carly opens gifts

Carly's beautiful cake!

"Carly, Don't Blow it!" Daddy's favorite candle blowing phrase. Lol!

Eva Carolyn watching Carolyn Alexis . . .

Grandma and Carly

Grandpa and Carly

OUR FUNNY, FUNNY GIRL ~ SURPRISE!!

We threw a surprise birthday party for our youngest daughter today who turned 5 and was she ever surprised! We had a "decoy" party last night with just family so she wouldn't suspect we were doing a kid party. So, her reaction was just really funny and not what I expected at all. Absolutely priceless!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7he0tbIPQk

THE BIRTHDAY BASH - REHASH!

Oh my, it's been a busy and long day! I got some cute pictures which I will try to post on Sunday or Monday. Megan sent me a couple she took so I am going to put those below. Carly just looks so big to me! Maybe it's because I'm with her everyday but it seems like she looks older than five to me.

Anyway, Carly and Jono started out with a playdate this morning, then Rob and I took them to Chuck E. Cheese for lunch, then we had a dinner and birthday party at our house with sisters, cousins and Grandma and Grandpa--and we stayed up much too late, of course. It was fun but we are all tired out! And--we get to do it again tomorrow! Carly wanted a surprise party--so, I am surprising her with a little birthday party with her friends. They are coming at 1:00 and so I still have to get games and things ready for that. Thankfully, I have a little help! I love help!

Carly's big sisters came to surprise her today--which she LOVED! They are going to help me with the party tomorrow. She is going to love it--we have a "Hello Kitty" theme, it's her favorite! I mean, we have Hello Kitty cupcakes, napkins, plates, tablecloth, cups, plates -- you name it -- pretty sure we got it! Lol!

Carly loved the gifts she got but she also loved getting mail! She got some awesome mail from her Great Aunt Sally and Uncle Seth who were with us when she was born! She loved their card and pictures! She also got a card from her other Grandma! Thanks for sending cards! She was really excited to get them!

Well, here's a look at our birthday girl. I just love her to pieces!

After opening gifts

Modeling her new dress

SOMEONE IS FIVE TODAY!

It's nearly 1:00 a.m. so I will make this brief. A few hours ago I kissed the most beautiful little four year old princess goodnight and in the morning she will awaken a five year old princess! She is so excited she can hardly stand it! This Mamma can hardly believe it! It seems such a short time ago I was holding that tiny baby girl in my arms. What a treasure she is in our lives. What an absolute joy. Carly we love you so much and are so proud of the amazing little girl you are becoming! Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

Where are you going my baby, my own?

Turn around and you're two . . .

Turn around and you're four . . . 

Turn around and you're a young girl going out of the door . . .


HEY, WAIT ONE SECOND! YOU'RE ONLY FIVE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING GOING OUT THE DOOR?! ~ ~ YOU GET BACK IN HERE YOUNG LADY!! RIGHT NOW!  LOL!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Be sure to stand out today so Cupid can find you! If you can't stand out, at least don't play hard to get! Lol! Just thought I'd take a break from my seriousness to wish everyone a very Happy Valentine's Day!

I haven't told the kids tomorrow is Valentine's Day yet. I'm keeping it a surprise. That way they can wake up and have a Valentine Surprise and then we can make some fun Valentine's and Valentine cookies to take to some of their friends. I think they will be really excited! Plus, the bonus is there will be no waiting. When I tell them about their surprise, it will also be time to give them their surprise! We all win! They get it right when they find out about it and I, having chosen to tell them right beforehand can give it to them right then. As opposed to telling them the week before and then having an excited 3 or 5 year old ask me every five or ten minutes for the next week if it is time yet. Nope, that would not be winning for anyone!

But, I digress. Lol. We had a knock and run Valentine Cupid today who left yummy pink iced sugar cookies on our doorstep. The kids LOVED that. Jono especially who had just been whining because there were no cookies in the house. I'm pretty sure he thought it was magic! Hahaha! It was so nice of whomever thought of us an was so sweet! Thank you so much! We sure are enjoying them!

Well, hope all of you have a terrific Valentines Day! Take care and much love to all.

A PICTURE PAINTS A THOUSAND WORDS . . .

Enough said.

O.K. maybe just a few more words. Lol! I LOVE this picture. It speaks truth. And just one more thought--what's wrong with all the band-aid companies? Get on board people! Those aren't everyone's skin color! I mean seriously! It's 2013! It's a good thing kids like cartoon band-aids or I think I'd be getting a whole slew of more questions to answer than I am right now--like Mom, why do these match your skin and not mine? Well, how come they make them for your skin and not mine? And . . . well, you get my point. For today, I am grateful for Hello Kitty and Cars band-aids. Yep, that's my story and I'm sticking to it! :)

THE COURSE AHEAD

I've been a tiny bit surprised by how few people have had anything to say on my post "The Day I Learned I Was Black." A few responded to me privately and I really appreciate our conversations and emails. It is really helpful for me to talk through my concerns and fears. I'm not sure whether the lack of response is due to a lack of readership so far or a fear of talking about racial issues. Frankly, I understand either or both. Mine is not the most widely read blog, that's for sure.

As far as discussing race in our society I realize it can be dicey. Although, I think our lack of open discussion on the topic could be the reason nothing ever really gets solved. BUT, I do understand it is complicated and I don't begin to know how to resolve all the feelings, problems and issues out there. I just wish we really could begin to do so.

I've had the opportunity recently to correspond by email and talk by phone to an amazing young lady who is only 17 and was adopted as a baby into a Caucasian family. She is part African American, part Caucasian, and part Hispanic and is a very mature, well adjusted and happy adoptee. I've talked to her about some of the things she went through as a child and what worked and didn't work for her. She has helped me understand how to best help and bless my children from her point of view and I so appreciate that.

I think when I was much younger and thought about adopting a child of a different race (yes, I thought about it as early as my early teens) I was guilty of believing that "Love was enough" to make it all work out. That it would get you through any problem or situation. Luckily for me and my children, I was much wiser (and older) by the time I was blessed to have them in my life. Love isn't enough--for me to be a truly good and caring parent to these two wonderful children I have to take into account how the world is going to see them and treat them when I am not with them. Somehow, I have to prepare them for that. I think the best advice I've had to date on how to do that has come from my young teenage friend who told me the best thing I can do as a mom is to make sure they have a strong self esteem. She said her parents instilled such a strong self esteem in her that when the world came to knock her down she basically looked at them and thought "What's wrong with you?" because I know I'm fine. I can't tell you what good information that was for me. I don't need to teach them how to fight, or how to do verbal jujitsu, or how to run fast, or how to . . . well you get the idea. My most important job is teach them to have a strong sense of self, to know they are good, that we love them and God loves them and that there is a spark of divinity in them that NO ONE can ever take away from them.

Well, these are just of few of the things that came to mind tonight. I love all my children so much. We all have our trials and my oldest kids have certainly had their share. I know my youngest will bear theirs as well. I pray I prepare them well for the course ahead.

Please feel free to comment. I love to hear what you are thinking. God bless.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY!

The tenth of February is a bittersweet day in my history. It is a wonderful anniversary ~ you see eight years ago today I met my husband for the first time. We went on our first date and we got along so well we talked till really late. However, after he'd gone home and I got inside I had a heartbreaking message from my cousin Ned asking me to call no matter how late because his older brother, my cousin Bill, had died and he really needed to talk.We knew we were going to lose Bill, just not quite so quickly. Bill had found out he had pancreatic cancer a short time before and knew he did not have long. Probably the saddest part was he had just gotten married 5 days earlier to the best thing that had ever happened to him--and we were so hoping he and Cindy would have longer together than they did.

So anyway, today is the anniversary of the first day of the rest of my life because I met my sweetheart eight years ago today. Happy Anniversary you handsome hunk of a man! Lol!

And it's the unfortunate marking of a farewell to my cousin Bill whom I spent a lot of time around growing up since we lived pretty much next door for the first nine years of my life. Bill was a really great guy and his life was much, much too short. Miss you Bill and love you.

THE DAY YOU LEARNED YOU WERE BLACK

I read something a few weeks ago that made me profoundly sad. It has stayed with me for lots of reasons, one of which I’m sure is because I fear my own children face a similar fate and I dearly wish I could do something to change not only their fate but that of others who face it. I am saddened by our lack of understanding, kindness, goodness and fairness.  My little ones have rarely been out of my sight or control their entire young lives. They have been in a safe, loving environment where no one could hurt them.  Now, I have one turning five-that magic number where they enter school and spend several hours a day in the company of other children and teachers--people I can’t choose or control. I have been able to protect and shield them but now they will face the world unvarnished. I can only respond to their experiences and hope I have created an open enough relationship that they will share those experiences honestly with me so I can help process them. 

I wrote to the author of this blog (who is unknown to me) I happened onto where I read the piece that made me so sad and asked her if I could share it on my blog. She agreed. The reason it made me so sad is because it was so honest, so truthful and so real. It was because I understood in reading it that there was no way out but through this experience for my children in the current world we live in. Even if I found a way to explain it to my children ahead of time—I would be forcing them through the experience and that is tragic to me. I hope you can see, NO, I hope you can feel what I am saying, what Margaret is saying. Margaret is the author of this piece. It is horrifying to me that any child, especially a CHILD, but that anyone should ever have to experience what Margaret went through. I don’t want my kids to go through this kind of pain. I don’t want our world to be like this. I don’t want their world to be like this. 

Margaret’s experience is below. I will include the link to her blog because I think it is important to read the comments/feedback she received after writing this. I hope you will take a minute to read those comments as well. We can only make the world better, we can only be better people if we open ourselves to understanding each other.  Nancy

The Day You Learned You Were Black…..

"This post is inspired by a Facebook post that I saw from my brother this week and I must say that while it disturbed me, it brought me back to a moment that I am convinced that all black children experience. That moment when you realize that you are black.  That you are of those people that America seems to hate….and it catches you off guard.  I think that this is a phenomenon that is an ‘America Only’ type phenomenon, but I only grew up in one country so I can never be sure.  (Feel free to chime in if you were raised somewhere else and had the same experience.)  Anyway, I remember the day so vividly that you would think it happened yesterday…it was truly a pivotal moment in my life, but before I go forward here is a portion of the post from my brother:

 Today at school, my 13 yr old daughter (14 next Tuesday), during school lunch today was pushed from behind and called “N-G-G-E-R”. She was frightened to turn around to see who said it (because she doesn’t know many kids yet) and sat down and cried.

  

Obviously when I read that and thought about what my niece could have been feeling, my heart broke.  No child really knows how to handle that situation and being from California (the valley),  I would imagine that it is probably the first time something so serious has happened to her regarding her race.  I see her pictures on Facebook and usually she is the only African-American face in the group and I applaud her for not knowing the difference, but if she is anything like me….this experience would change all of that.  These experiences have a way of keeping you prepared and guarded for the next experience OR of making you choose to spend most of your time with people that look like you.

So not to leave you hanging on the experience that I had…and as I write this all I’m thinking is that my poor parents are gonna be so upset that this happened right under their noses and I never shared it.  Well, there were these two white girls that lived up the street from me and they were my buddies, if I’m not mistaken their names were Heather and Ashley, they were not related to each other, they were actually next door neighbors.  My friend was Heather and Ashley was her friend….so it was kind of a situation where I would hang out with Ashley because she was with Heather, not because she was my friend.  Anyway, just painting a scene for you…lol.  So one day Heather and I went to Ashley’s house to play outside, I think I may have been around 10 or so.  I can’t remember why, but for whatever reason we had to go inside of Ashley’s house and I remember that it was the first time I had ever seen the inside of her house.  All of our playing, up to that point, had taken place outside so it was a weird experience.

While we were in the house it was beginning to get dark and it was around the time that people’s parents began to get off work and arrive home.  I remember feeling like it was about time for me to say goodbye to them and head home, but not two seconds before the thought left my mind did Ashley say ‘We’ve gotta get out of my house before my parents get home, I can’t have black people in the house’.  *GASP*  If I were white, my face would’ve turned red at that exact moment.  I was so embarrassed and confused.  Why would she say that? Why can’t black people be in her house? I’m a good person! I make good grades! I speak well! I am smart (flashback of the help…’You iz kind…You iz pretty…’ lol). But yes…I just didn’t understand what my being black had to do with anything concerning who I was. I. WAS. SO. CONFUSED! Afterall, HEATHER was the bad one. She would steal, curse, fight and do everything EXCEPT try to be a child of God.  So imagine the insult that I felt when it was because of ME that we had to leave the house.

After she said that, I swiftly walked out the house barely said a goodbye and went home.  I walked straight to my room, still perplexed, and carried on with my life as if nothing had happened. I ate dinner and went on my merry way.  The thing is, that experience haunted me then and it still haunts me now.  After that, the majority of my close friends have been black or non-white…mainly because of the level of trust that I am able to have with people of color.  When I share this story with my black friends, they all have their own story to tell about when they found out that they were black.  Unlike white children in America, I believe that we are robbed very early of the experience of just being comfortable in our skin and being children.  We are made painfully aware that all that is wrong with America is because of us…we are robbers, murderers, uneducated and everything else negative that needs to be pinned somewhere.  Do you think that is a drastic statement? Then where do you live? Because my niece was just called a Nigger for simply being at school.  She is only 13 so I am assuming that the child that did it learned it from his/her parents. Because I am from a country where in 2012, individuals at the Republican National Convention thought it was ok to throw PEANUTS at a BLACK camerawoman…because that's how they ‘feed the animals’.  Do I sound angry? Would you be?

If you are white/non-black and you think that I am being dramatic….think to yourself about what you have heard your own parents and grandparents say and imagine what it feels like to be called those names to your face. Think about the last time you were called  a racist, derogatory statement. Think of the last time you had to play with black barbies because they just didn't make white ones. Think of the last time that you ever had to consider or think about the color of your skin before taking certain actions.  Don’t worry….I’ll wait……

Trust me when I say it changes a person. It changes your faith in humanity….how you view the world….how you view yourself.  And much of the lives of strong, educated black folks everywhere is spent trying to re-gain what was robbed…trying to show you that YES, I can speak as well as you can….trying to be seen as a human and not as an outlier of our race (bc we have all heard from one of our white friends….’you aren't like other black people…you are different’)…..trying to do the job 10x better than your white counterpart because it IS still necessary in America…trying not to choke the white friend that insists on speaking in ebonics to you because lord knows that's the only English we speak.  The fact that I had to go through it means little to me, but the idea that my own children will experience it makes me very nervous.  If you think America is post-racial….read the comment sections of ANY article…trust me…it all goes back to black people being the problem with society.  Something is wrong with this picture! Something is wrong with another child pushing and calling another child the most vile word in the book!  Parents….lets do better….and lets start that now. Watch what you say because your children are listening and repeating.

I pray that this moment will not be imprinted in my nieces brain, but for some reason I think it will be.  Do you remember your ‘moment’? Disagree with me?  Please share your thoughts…..

http://chocolategringa.com/2012/08/the-day-you-learned-you-were-black/

This is Nancy again now. Did this hit anyone the way it hit me? Did it break your heart for 10 year old Margaret or for her 13 year old niece? I’ve never been discriminated against because of the color of my skin—so I can’t imagine what that feels like. I was made fun of for being an overweight kid and I do know that pain. I have felt religious persecution, serious religious persecution. It cost my husband and me an adoption after I had gone through the birth with the mom, had the babe in my arms and spent a couple of nights in the hospital with the mom and baby. Some “supposedly” religious nurses at a different denomination hospital pulled out all the stops to insure we would not go home with the baby when they realized we were not of a religion they agreed with. Very, very painful. BUT, still--not someone persecuting me because I’m me. I can change my religion. I can change my weight. I can’t change my skin color—and neither can anyone else. I realize sometimes the adults can get polarized—but how can we make this world easier and better for our children? We adults have lots of hard work to do but can we start with making things okay for our children—with helping them like and love each other? What do you think? I will have more to say on this, but I truly want to get your feedback. I hope you won’t be shy--and I hope, most of all I've given you a little something to think about. Take care, Nancy

WEATHER OR NOT . . .

I still didn't get a chance to sit down and really write today so just a quick note. It began snowing heavily here today. We were supposed to get 3-6 inches but about an hour after it began snowing--we had accumulated about an inch and a half and it stopped snowing. Mom and Dad had gone out to get Dad a haircut so I was really glad it had stopped. We haven't gotten anymore since then but it is supposed to snow off and on until morning and we could get an additonal inch tonight and a possibility of 1-3 inches tomorrow.

I sure feel for those in the Northeast who are getting pounded. I remember the blizzard of '78. We only went to school 3 days that entire month. There were times it was illegal to be on the road and it was so dangerous people died from being caught out in it or in stalled cars. It was so bad. We measured snow in feet, not inches. True story. Say a prayer for the people caught up in this--especially those already hit by hurricane Sandy. They are going to need them.

TODAY AT OUR HOUSE

Carly and Jono had a friend over all morning to play. Actually, she stayed till almost 3 because her mommy wasn't feeling good. By the time I ran her home, this mommy was feeling sick. I am hoping it is only a 24 hour bug. I got really nauseous and got a bad headache. I put the kids down for nap and slept for a few hours. Then I remembered I had to take Carly's hair out of braids before tomorrow and had to get up and do that. I was feeling a little better when I got up but not completely. Carly has a hair appt. tomorrow so I really hope I feel good enough to keep it.

Grandma had a hair appt. yesterday. She went and got a perm and haircut. I think she was less than thrilled though--so, sorry people no pictures. Lol. Grandpa has had more pain the last couple of weeks than he usually has. Maybe it's the weather. Not really sure what is causing it but hopefully he will start feeling better soon.

I was going to write something longer tonight but am lucky to get this on here with the way I'm feeling. Hopefully~more tomorrow. Night all.

MY BABY'S BACK . . . BAH, BAH, BAH, BAHP!

Well, I only thought the dream catcher was going to solve everything. That lasted exactly 3 nights and Carly ended up in our bed again. Different excuse this time. Her pillow was too hard. She couldn't get sleep. Gah! I let her get in bed with me. I was much too tired to try to hunt down a new pillow and get her back to her bed.

We found her a different pillow before bedtime tonight--hopefully, there is less snoring and red eyes around here tomorrow than normal. And hopefully, Rob and I actually get to use our bed BY OURSELVES tonight. That would be unusual! LOL!

DREAM CATCHER'S RULE!

Carly started having nightmares a month or more ago--not every night at first, just every once in awhile. When they started, they were about some creature we could trace directly back to Scooby Dooby Doo, her favorite cartoon at the time. That was easy enough to solve; no more Scooby Dooby Doo for awhile. The nightmares stopped for a bit--but unfortunately, they resurfaced again a week or so later in some other form.

The next few weeks were rough. Often I would hear Carly wake up crying or she would come wake me up and climb in bed with me. She got really fearful of going to bed--even for nap time. I did not have the slightest idea what I was going to do.  I had tried everything I could think of to help her feel better about going to bed and sleeping. We would say prayers together. I would turn on her extra lamp and let her sleep with it on. We cleaned her room really well so nothing was out of place to look shadowy or scary in the dark. I had tried making a bottle of monster spray once but the kid's didn't buy into at all so I figured "bad dream" spray wasn't going to cut it either. So, I didn't even go there.

Then early last week, I remembered an old Indian tradition a Navajo friend taught me about called
"Dream Catchers." They are beautiful hanging web-like designs with feathers that are meant to hang in your bedroom and catch any bad dreams you may have. So, I immediately got online and found some really nice handmade ones on Etsy.com and ordered them. They came on Friday and I told the kids about the tradition and then we hung them from the ceiling in each of their bedrooms. Believe it or not, we haven't had a single nightmare in the house since! Oh, the power of the mind er, Dream Catcher!

Night all, Sweet Dreams! Lol!

Jono with his dream catcher

Carly happy with her new dream catcher!

I'M BAAACK!!

Yes, I'm alive! Sorry for the break. It was very long week and I found it difficult to find time to get on the computer or blog. Rob was out of town for work and we had three--count them--THREE bad snow storms that left major snow! I have gotten past the whining. We actually need the moisture and I also needed the exercise. It was just hard to spend the time it took to shovel and chase my three year old along with all the other things I needed to accomplish. He is one of those three year old's who is perfect for his father and loves to challenge his mother--just because he can. It was a doozy of a week! People always warned me the "threes" were worse than the "twos" and I had a hard time believing it. Well, I am now a believer! Luckily, I have evidence the fours get better. Yay!

We had a little SuperBowl party tonight. Well, I guess the guys had a SuperBowl party I had a SuperBowl Commercials party! The best part was the food we made. After that, the commercials and then, the game. At least in my book. We really went overboard on the food. Grandma made some yummy Lime bars. They were like mini-Key Lime pie bars--so good! She also made a really good jello and some Queso, Cheese Stix and some Caramel corn. I made Hot wings, stuffed mushrooms, mini-bbq sausages, Franks BBQ Hot-Wing Dip and my brother-in-law brought an Almond poppy-seed cake. Am I making you hungry?! Yah, we had a feast! You know, I think it's the first feast I've ever been involved in creating that had no chocolate. I don't know what's wrong with me. One thing is for certain--it's totally unlike me and it won't happen again.

I've been dieting for weeks now and planned to take a break today. I got on the scales this morning and had reached my goal weight. I think I will find I have a few pounds still to go when I get on them tomorrow. Lol! Hahaha!